Year: 2023 ‘ I Shaved My Head, and Here is Why …

First, let me start off by saying happy new year. It has been eights months since I last posted on this platform, and I did not intend to be absent for such an extended period of time — but then life happened. As cliche as it might sound, life really does happen — your life circumstances can completely change when you least expect it, and not always in your best interest.

I have had my share of life’s disappointments, but last year was the breaking point for me; altering the way I view human beings, society, and myself. I have been on a path towards healing (emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually) from the grief and trauma I experienced, and it has been by far the most hardest thing I ever had to do; navigating through suicidal ideation, grief and loss, anxiety and depression, body image and self-esteem issues, but by God’s grace I am here.

As I journey on this path towards recovery, I pray that one day I am led to share my testimony (God-willing) to extend  hope and healing to anyone with a broken soul who feels as if their pain is unending and the wound incurable, because I did for what felt like an eternity.

The Real Reason Why I Shaved My Head
Big Chop: January 14, 2023

What urged me to make the pivotal decision to shave my head on January 14, 2023, was that I fell into a deep depression.

Seven months of consecutive despair had affected my quality of life, especially where my well-being was concerned: mentally, emotionally and physically. 

Although my ability to function significantly declined, I strived not to look like what I had been through at my place of work (in-office). So, I made every effort to maintain my wash day routine so my hair looked decent, even though I was falling apart, and it was no small task. 

Naturally, wash days can be a time consuming process: amplified moreso when you have little to no fight left in you. This was my life, and the state of my hair came to be a mirror reflection of that. 

With time, my hair was excessively falling out (a combination of hair loss, breakage and shedding) caused by the trauma I experienced which triggered my depression. My hair had reached its end and there was no reviving it. No matter what products were used, a handful of hair was coming out when washing, combing, and when I ran my fingers through it. I became conscious of the fact that my hair cycle was in a state of shock following the abrupt changes in my mood and body, and having witnessed my hair in the state it was in debilitated my condition, and there was nothing I could do to help myself.

Living with depression paralyzed me; every symptom you could think of, I experienced it—  my mental health was severely compromised. I sanked to what seemed like the bottom of the ocean, drowned in my tears with no one in sight to come to my aid, and wallowed in self-pity taking notice of the excessive hair falling out.

I have placed too much emphasis on my hair and neglected my well-being which was counterintuitive. I knew I would continue to carry the deadweight on my head if l did not prioritize my mental health and find ways to cope with my depression. It was time to let that part of me go (my hair) and instead focus on restoring my health.

A Woman Who Cuts Her Hair is About to Change her life
— Coco Chanel

The iconic fashion designer Coco Chanel once said, “a woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life” and although it might be true for some, this quote does not hold true for me, at least not in this stage of my life.

I still live with depression but doing what I can to manage it, one day at a time. As a way to cope, I made up my mind to pick up blogging again. 

On June 1, 2019, I created the blog 4C Nappy Hair. The purpose of this platform was for myself, relatability, and to establish a community where knowledge sharing was power in essence of our natural hair journey. And all of that seemed great, but truth be told, when you are down in the deep ocean with no way to rise above water, hair will NOT, in the least minuscule bit, bring you from the depths alive.

With that said, if I am going to commit to healing, I need to cultivate my mind, body, and soul on the things that matter most. And in doing so, will bring about positive change from the inside out.

My hope for this blog is to post regularly— to keep my mind occupied and off my depression. I know there is no cure for it but I am trusting the small changes made will help to reduce it. Due to this, there will be a shift in the type of content published on the blog, though hair content will remain. However, my aim is to document the progression I have made on my path to healing. I am doing this for me but if any of it resonates with you, just know that you are not alone.

On that note, please be kind to one another. You really do not know what someone is dealing with. Not everyone will share their problems, and it is easy to hide behind a smile but only we know what goes on behind closed doors. This I know full well.

XO,
Abigail Osei